A Brief Letter to Amarthiel, "Champion of Angmar"

Dear Amarthiel,

I'm not sure which Seeing-stone you got your grubby hands on, but please be informed that it cannot, in point of fact, be the Osgiliath-stone, which was far too large for one person to carry, and is in any case lost at the bottom of Anduin. Either sort your shit out and decide it's one of the other stones that somebody somehow fished out of the bottom of the Ice-bay of Forochel, or I'll not only kick your ass next time we meet, I'll also proceed to delete all files containing your name from my hard drive for your blatant disregard for the Tolkien canon. kthanks.

Love,
Haldaran Casarmacil, Protector of the Shire

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

In some of J. R. R. Tolkien's earliest writings, the forerunner of Sauron, the Dark Lord of Mordor, was a great big nasty predatory feline called Tevildo, Prince of Cats.

Remember that next time your feline "friend" sits on your lap and purrs, or watches you with eyes glowing in the dark. He's probably plotting to overrun the world with his wicked servants and enslave you.